September 18, 2009 - Msg 75218: Good morning Porch! I see Spot & Miss Sherri are off on another adventure, man I wish I could come along, I love camping! Ro I love that Hover-Mother, I have to admit, I've been called that a few times, can't help it tho, we're Moms. Boo I went through that kind of attitude with Jake when he was younger, esp over school work. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was younger and let me tell you he used that constantly. His dad always let him by with things that I KNEW he could do, just didn't want to, but I didn't. Reading your post brought back a flood of memories of dealing with him the same way. Drove me crazy, and like you, if I was a drinker, I sure would have induldged nightly. Prayers still (and always) going up for you and yours, just as they do for every one of the porchsters. Well, best try to get some more coffee down my neck and see what I can get into today, gotta decide which room I want to start on today.
Later taters
*Mavis
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75219: I figured I might as well sweep the porch up before I started on my house since that broom does indeed fit my hand (dad burn it)
*Mavis
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75220: HM, the dinner and silent auction you mentioned is exactly what we do each year for the youth department and it is very successful...brings in thousands of dollars in one night.

Thanks, Mavis...I know I'm not the Lone Ranger...it's not easy for anyone, is it?

Better get back to the chores...

Boo
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75221: Hi porch friends,sorry this is another short post.Still busy with school work.I'm going into my last quarter and there will be alot to do.IN january I start an externship and only have school 2 nights a week.Please keep me in your prayers.You all are in mine.I don,t like the size of the font on the posts,it's hard to read.Why is it different now?-ky girl
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75222: Craving an ooey, gooey, chocolate donut right now!

hm
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75223: Hey, ky girl. Nothing has changed on my porch. Has something changed in your computer's setting? Oh, hm, if you find some of those donuts, would you send me one (or two)? --Romeena
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75224: Ooh,get a whole box of 'em ,homemaker,'cause I want one too!
I'm with Ro,ky girl- I don't see a font change either.

Well,my sister made it through surgery ok. Thanks for the prayers.
************
possum again
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75225: Hi All.
I knoow that not bin here for sometime,
but I have bin busy wite my stepdad gitting him to do some of the thing that the asked him ro do.
Now I have to fight yellow jackets that may it self at home in one of the wall of the house.
Boy we can used from rain here, at bin dry and hot.

IN AWE.
Sometime I stand in silence,
Sometimes, in awe, Igasp
At the wonders of creation
Too great for a mind to grasp.
Oh, the mighty and the fragile
God's creative hands have made.
How carefully we should keep them.
What trust on us laid!


TOM.


September 18, 2009 - Msg 75226: Hey, Tom. It's good to see you, and thanks for the beautiful poem. So true!! About those yellow jackets, you be careful! Those miserable little things can be dangerous. Did you say they're IN the wall?? If so, that really complicates things, and you might want to call a professional exterminator to deal with them.

I wonder what's next? The renter in my biggest rent house just called and told the property manager that water is "coming out of the floor". With that particular renter, it's always something, at least once a month, and it's always a panicky report that usually turns out to be nothing. Once they reported that "the electrical is broken, the lights don't work." With visions of a major electrical problem, I sent Ted over. He found that they had put a CFL bulb in a fixture that's on a dimmer, and of course when they tried to dim it, the bulb would buzz and go out. It took Ted three tries to get in to check it out, because the college-age daughter was home alone and flatly will not admit anyone she doesn't know personally. Just won't answer the door. Never mind that they had called and requested a service person. Annoying. Still - "water coming out of the floor" rates investigation, so the property manager and a plumber are on the way. She knows Bob, the manager, and will let them in. I'm just praying it's not going to be a huge, concrete-busting, get-ins#rance-involved problem.

Good news about your sister, possum. Please keep us posted on her progress. Be blessed, all. --Romeena
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75227: Evening Family:
Nice sweep there Mavis! Long time no see. Can you come to my house and sweep it?
Tom- Thanks for the poem. Always thought provoking.
Ro: It's always something. Your house-their house-my house...
Possum- will continue to pray for your sister.
Better get to bed. Been a long day...~New Neighbor
September 18, 2009 - Msg 75228: Well, here's the next chapter in the rent-house story. Property manager makes a trip over there (that's what he gets paid for, so that's okay), and plumber goes over there (I'll have to pay him, of course, and that's not okay.) What they found was a small wet spot on the carpet, less than two feet across, and not really all that wet. The water heater is ten feet away, and it's dry beneath it. The wet spot is several feet away from where one would expect a water line to be running beneath the slab, though without the house plan, we can't prove that. The plumber called a friend of his, a leak-finder, who came out (I'll have to pay him too, of course) and he used his listening equipment to try to hear noise when air was pumped into the line. Maybe, possibly, could be, but can't say for sure. Doubtful.

So, plumber asks renter's daughter (the one who won't answer the door) if it's possible that someone could have spilled water there. He said a "funny" look crossed her face, then she said, "Uh, no, I don't think so. Uh, no. No one spilled any water." Hmmm. Her brother, about age 22, lives there but wasn't home through any of this. I'm guessing he could tell us what happened.

Plumber shut it all down, said he will go by there tomorrow evening and see if the spot is any bigger. Turning off all faucets and checking the meter was inconclusive. The meter showed no flow, but if it's a very tiny leak, it wouldn't. So now I wait until tomorrow night, and very likely will have to pay two bills - to the plumber and the leak finder - only to conclude that Brother spilled his water on the way to bed.

I seriously hope that's all it is, because if it's truly a slab leak, I'm facing a good $3000 to repair it. If it's not a leak, I will probably ask the renter to pay the plumber's bills for today. This is about the sixth time I've paid someone to go out there for a wild goose chase, and I'm tired of it. Oh, I could tell you some stories about that particular renter. Did I tell you about his complaint that the built-in vacuum wouldn't pick up his bowling ball? Yep! Dumber than a box of rocks, I'm sorry to say.

Well, be blessed, all. --Romeena
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75229: Hi All.
RO I'm keeping away from the bee wind spraying, it have a 22ft jet spray.
I will do it at night win all the bee are in there.

TOM

September 19, 2009 - Msg 75230: HAHAHA...it wouldn't pick up his bowling ball?! That's a good one. Sounds like "He's a nut!". What a pain in the hind quarters.

Well, stayed up too late and woke up too early but nothing I can do about it. I seem to have these illusions on Friday evenings that I can stay up later because I can sleep in. My internal clock never seems to allow that, though.

I'll be doing chores and going to st. susan's to her get things ready for mom's trip to the hospital on Monday. I will be back later this evening. Have a great Saturday~

Boo
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75231: "Hey" to TOM!

Boo
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75232: Good morning, all. What a picture I have outside my window this morning! Last night, I put a large pile of sunflower seeds in the tray feeder on the ground by the birdbath. One lone squirrel has found it so far, he is sitting smack in the middle of the feeder, gobbling seeds as fast as he can! There is also one lone pigeon who would like to get in on the feast, but whenever he approaches, the squirrel squares off, front feet spread wide, head lowered, tail swishing ominously, and the pigeon retreats. A few minutes ago, another squirrel approached, and the first one left the feeder for a moment to chase him off. The pigeon ducked in quickly, grabbed a few seeds, and then fluttered away as the self-appointed seed czar returned. I'm going to watch this play out, because I know that before long, more pigeons will arrive, and once outnumbered, the squirrel will retreat. I believe I wrote a blog about that concept sometime back.

Well, I have a pond filter to clean, guess I'd better "get to it!" The flow is down to a trickle, not doing a very effective job of aerating the water.

Be blessed, friends. --Romeena
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75233: Hey Y'all- Yep,Ro,he's a nut! Picking up a bowling ball with a vaccuum?!!
I may be scarce around here the next few days-my Mama has begun falling and since my sister is out of commission due to foot surgery,my other sister is in Wyoming,guess who that leaves to take care of Mama? Yep,ol' possum here. So,I may pack my stuff & move over there in order to watch her.I can't pick her up if she does fall,so I don't really know what good it will do. Curious,how she is falling now that my sister isn't able to care for her.My daughter seems to think it's on purpose.I don't know,but it is giving me a mighty big tension headache!
She falls when she's been asleep & is either getting out of bed in the morning,or getting up in the night to use the bathroom. I suggested she wear Depends and avoid getting up in the night. Of course,she doesn't want to do that,but I asked if she'd rather fall! She takes enough meds to knock out an elephant,so perhaps that causes her to be unsteady upon arising.
If she is doing this for attention,I am going to be highly upset! Plus,she is injuring herself each time she falls. She messed up one foot when she fell early yesterday morning.Now,she has hurt her back. She may be aiming to get herself in the hospital,thinking my sister will come from Wyoming to see her.Who knows?
Y'all keep the prayers going & I'll check in whenever I can. Love to all.
********************
possum under a rock
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75234: Hey there, Possum. Oh my. You've got your little paws full, with your mama's situation. The manipulative motivation you're speculating about may sound far-fetched, but any nurse can tell you that the far-fetched can make perfect sense to an elderly, possibly disoriented person. She may indeed be willing to risk injury to herself, in order to get her daughters back at her beck and call.

My dear, you have a life, too. Certainly you will want to see that she's cared for, and will do a lot of it yourself. Here's an idea: Tell her you will come over every morning for a few hours but you cannot move in. (If you do move in, you'll never be allowed to leave.) During that time, you can do the household chores, maybe cook a meal or two, for warm-up later. Get her a walker and absolutely INSIST that she use it. If she refuses, then ask her if she'd like to go with you while you look for "safer accommodations" for her. It's likely going to come to that eventually anyway.

Go back over in the evening for an hour or so and help her prepare for bed. Hire someone to share this tour with you - maybe a neighbor. Your Wyoming sister, who has chosen to make herself unavailable to her mother, can help with the cost, and don't take no for an answer. Your local sister, when her foot heals, can also share the duty, both morning and evening.

Get your mom one of those panic button necklaces. It might give her a sense of security and could be worth its weight in gold if she actually did fall and hurt herself.

All these ideas are based on the assumption that the geographical distance between your mom and you and your sister is small. If not, that's another whole set of problems.

Every situation is different, because the people are different, but these ideas are based partly on my experience with my own parents, but only partly, because they were both very independent people. It's based more on what I've observed over the years as I've listened to friends, and the families of patients, as they describe their problems. The one thing I've learned for sure - you must set some limits, or you can be consumed by the whole thing and have nothing left to give at the end, when you're needed the most.

Be blessed, my friend. --Romeena
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75235: Oh, about the renter and the bowling ball - it's true. He called and said his in-the-wall vacuum system wasn't working properly, didn't pick up like it should. I sent a repairman over there who discovered, first of all, that the doofus had never cleaned the filter, didn't even know the thing had one. He had no idea where the motor unit was, for that matter. He just plugged the hose in and started vacuuming. I guess he thought a big genie sucked real hard on the chimney or something, who knows!

Anyway, repairman cleaned the filter, which naturally improved the suction quite a bit. Doofus is still not satisfied, though. Not strong enough, he said, as he put his hand over the end of the hose. Repairman said it lifted the nap on the carpet, and that was about all he could expect. Not so, says Doofus, and goes to his closet, returning with a bowling ball. Placing the end of the hose on the ball, he proceeded to demonstrate how it would not lift the ball, and cited the TV commercial where the demonstrator does lift a ball.

Repairman pointed out to him that in the commercial, there is a large rubber cup attached to the vacuum, which covers a saucer-sized area of the ball, provides an air-tight seal, and yes, it will then lift the ball. Doofus then asks where he can get one of those cups!! Repairman tells him he doesn't know, and suggests he just stick to vacuuming his floors, and lift any stray bowling balls by hand, using the fingerholes that are provided. Go figure. Yes, he's a nut!

Now, we'll see whether we actually have a leak or not, when the plumber goes back by this evening. It's certainly possible - I had one here a few years ago, and that house is about the same age. If it's leaking, then that's why I have ins#rance, but I do have a $1500 deductible. Argh. So, we'll see.

Be blessed. --Romeena
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75236: That is so funny!..."...lift any stray bowling balls by hand, using the fingerholes that are provided"! haha

Possum, I relate to your situation, and having had an invalid mother for 11 years, I can tell you that everything Ro told you is right-on. We also bought a bedside potty to put right next to the bed so mom wouldn't fall if she got up at night. She uses depends at night now, which is a huge help. She is getting much weaker and is living in my sister's home, which has forced my sister to set limits. It has toughened her up, but she has to say "no" and make Dad, especially, do things for himself. He will come find her and ask her what there is to eat instead of simply looking in the frige. The other day she told him that there was some leftover dinner in the frige and he could microwave it. He acted like he didn't know how, so she walked him over to the microwave, told him, "I'm going to show you how and then you can do it yourself from now on". We can't figure out how a man who insists he can drive himself to Amarillo (all the way on the other side of Texas) but can't warm something up in the microwave? We can usually tell when he is trying to play dumb and he does it pretty often. I went through it when I lived with them but it is getting worse. I keep telling my sister that we need to come up with a plan about what we will do when she is not able to care for them anymore, but she just keeps saying we will figure it out when we have to. I hate that, because I am the kind who wants to plan things out ahead of time. She won't be able to do it forever. I can't help her as much as I would like because of my own children. Dad does have a woman that comes in twice a week, helps mom with her bath, cleans up their room, etc. She's worth her weight in gold and she works fairly cheap. She was definitely a God-send and if God can do it for us, he can do it for you. Keep that thought when things get worse, and pray! Another thing we used to do while mom was still in her house but able to do a little more for herself, is that when Dad was out of town, we would go to mom's in the morning and get her coffee, breakfast and do all the morning care and chores, put her in the recliner with the phone and remote control and the potty nearby, and she would do great. Someone would go back in the afternoon and help her up, get her something to eat and then near bedtime, one of us would go and help her get ready for bed and tuck her in bed with her depends on. She never tried to get up when we asked her not to and it worked out well because she could call us if she needed anything (she rarely did). Just my thoughts....

Boo
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75237: Didn't get to read the posts,just a few lines to let me know that the problem with the font size must be on this computer.Take care all,I'll post later.-ky girl
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75238: Thanks,Ro and Boo. I am home at my "rock" for now.Ro,she has a walker which she does use.As far as a bedside toilet,she has one of those too,but my sister has it while she's recovering from the foot surgery. We may have to get another one. I would rather her not even attempt to get up at night.I vote for Depends,but she doesn't want them.Mentioned how horrible it feels to ,well,you know. I came back with," How does it feel to FALL? Would you rather do that?!"
She bought some expensive "Life Alert" phone some time back,but nobody ever programmed it.I think it comes with one of those pendants. I have no idea how to program it,but I'm sure someone can. I never could fathom why she spent that money on it,yet never used it.I mentioned that phone to her today and she said "I don't want anybody to know that I'm.." and trailed off.I guess she is saying she doesn't want anybody to know how feeble she is.Well,guess what? Everybody knows. Neighbors,the townspeople,doctors,etc. We all know!
The level of care you suggested Ro,is what my sister has been doing-going over in the morning,then again in the evening before bed. That's what I planned to take over with until the falling episodes began.I went over & sat at my sister's bedside today discussing the situation and told her that it really didn't make much sense for me to spend the night-if she got up during the night & fell,I'd be asleep.I could not keep her from falling,and I could not pick her up if she did. So.. we decided to have Mama's cell phone next to her on the bedstand & to insist she
put it in her pj pocket if she got up in the night. She has phones positioned in every room of the house as well. If she falls,she can phone somebody & get help.
Well,when I went back over to Mama's,she had decided that I didn't need to stay with her.She told me "I promise I am not going to fall." Hmm.. that makes me think she HAD been purposely falling. I PROMISE I won't fall?? How do you know??
Funny thing,she hasn't fallen in front of any of us. I don't know if she's playing games or not.But,for now,I am staying put. It is going to come to the point where she will need live in help 24/7. We have been talking about that and my sisters will pay their part for it.So..we'll see.
Oh,and did I tell y'all that my mama is a retired RN? She's most likely seen the same types of games that she (possibly) is playing.And my daughter,who suspected right off the bat that her grandmother may have been falling on purpose is an LPN! She's seen all sorts of tricks already in her short career.
Ladies,thank you for the words of advice.Boo,I know exactly what you're saying about them "playing dumb." Mama does it too.My daughter says she acts like a naughty child! We've got her number. Our family catchphrase is " She's acting cracked today!" Oh and yes,Ro,we are all within walking distance to Mama's house.Not Wyoming sister,obviously,though! My other sister,her husband,& daughter are right next door & I can be there in a couple of minutes. I'm like 3 houses away.So,hopefully,we can manage to care for her without much upheaval. A lot of it depends on her. I'll let y'all know.
Meanwhile,I'm going to take a nice long bath (Calgon,take me away! Ha!) and try to relax.
Y'all have a good evening-love to all. Hugs to (((Boo))) & (((Ro)))!
************
possum again
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75239: Well, I feel better now, possum. It sounds like you all have the situation sized up pretty well, and are in a position to take care of it. You've already done all the right things. It's great that you're all within walking distance, except Wyoming sister. As for her, do NOT let her use the distance as a reason not to participate in the care. If the rest of you are literally on 24-hr call, then she needs to be involved monetarily, by funding some respite care now and then. It's only fair.

When my dad was still living in his home, and later in the Assisted Living facility, he would call me to tell me his TV was broken, or the microwave or some such. Of course, they weren't broken. The TV just needed to be put on Ch 3, and the microwave would have time left on it and needed to be cleared. I know he wasn't faking that, because he was always so independent, and sometimes I'd find out that the appliance had been "broken" for a couple of days and he wouldn't tell me. He was embarrassed that he couldn't make them work. Once he threw his TV remote to the floor, big tears splashing down, and said, "I built houses, big beautiful houses that people loved to live in, and now I can't make my TV work." That broke my heart.

I've been enjoying the TAGS marathon, even if they are color, and even if the eps are being repeated this evening. It's still TAGS, and I've kept my TV on TVLand since it started. If anyone is monitoring what we watch, I want my vote counted. And now, I'm going back to my chair before I develop "hardening of the back."

Be blessed, friends. --Romeena
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75240: Evening Family:
Ro & Bo you are exactly right. MANY older folks are looking for ways to keep family members involved in their lives. Not necessarily in the care, just "available". In my line of work they are reverting back in age-and there is a reversal of roles. The children become the parents and the parents become child-like. As with your children- set boundries and guidelines. (you might even see a temper tantrum or 2) Be prepared!! But most of all bathe your days and times with them in prayer. These times are tough, but they too shall pass away. Cherish them, some age gracefully, others JUST AGE!!! We will continue to pray for you:).
Must get to bed, presenting our mission trip tomorrow. Ro- when I get the pics from the group I'll be glad to share them with the porch family. Blessing all~ New Neighbor

September 19, 2009 - Msg 75241: Evening Porch.
Sounds like some heavy things going on for you all. My prayers for all who need them.
Been busy here on my porch. Between starting to get things ready for winter, and buttoning up jobs before winter hits, ain't had much time to sit and post with you all.
Not much to say anyway. Been feeling kinda low for some reason as of late. Oh well, sometimes you gotta feel low to appreciate when your feeling good, right?

Hope you all have a happy and safe Sabbath tomorrow.

Asa
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75242: Asa,I'll keep you in my prayers,I have my low moments also.Romeena,I got a laugh out of the stand off for the sunflower seeds between the squirrels and the birds.I think I told you all this story,but,in case I didn't I'll mention it in this post.A lady I know had a barrel underneath the roof gutters to catch the water.The barrel was near her kitchen window where she had her hummingbird feeder.Well,there was one hummingbird that wouldn't let the other ones eat,he ran them off,so they nicknamed him"Bossy".The rainwater was attracting alot of mosquitos,so her husband went to the lake and caught a bass and put in in the rainbarrel to eat the mosquitos.So,that solved thier mosquito problem.Then one day,Bossy the hummingbird saw his reflection in the water in the rainbarrel.So,thinking it was another bird,he attacked his reflection.When he hit the water,the bass opened his mouth and swallowed Bossy!That is where greed will get you!She said the kids and her saw it all,just couldn't believe it!Prayers for all the Porch-ky girl
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75243: You're welcome Possum..((HUGS)) back at ya.

Ro, I went to Susans and had a talk with her about how mom and dad are going to need more help soon and she told me something I had not even thought about, believe it or not (sometimes I just don't think). She said that when mom and dad need more help, she is going to call my brothers in California and tell them they need to pay for the help. You know, my brothers are dad's children from a previous marriage but my mom and dad raised them, really, then they went to California where their mom is when they finished high school...I think I have told you all this before..Anyway, they both have good jobs, and have offered to help..so why not? One of my brothers is more involved than the other but they are both well off and stand to inherit alot of money when their mother passes. I get the feeling that their mother is already contributing before her death, so I think it wouldn't be a problem. I hope, anyway. One of my brothers is very kind and has a big heart. He still comes out twice a year to see Dad and mom and takes Dad on trips. The other one, we rarely see or hear from.

That is so sad about your dad, Ro, and I understand because I hear it often from both parents. Mom talks about how active she was before the stroke. She was always in the kitchen making something wonderful to eat or volunteering her time at charity work. Dad talks about how he used to be "something" but now nobody cares. As I mentioned before, Dad was a judge for years, and even a mayor for a couple of terms. Must be so hard to get older. I was with my mom this evening, helping her with her shower and as she was sitting on the shower seat and I was washing her now thin, gray hair, I was remembering how things used to be. Mom was a beauty. She used to have a head of black, soft curls. Her body is so ravaged now from age and illness and the skin on her face is like white tissue paper...her hands are drawn up from arthritis and it always hurts to see it. I don't like seeing my mother this way. It seems so humiliating to have to be bathed by someone and as I helped her wash, I remembered my mother's body the way it used to be, and her beautiful hands that took such good care of years ago. It's just not fair that we end up that way. It hurts on such a deep level because to look and to see forces us to think about the inevitable...their death and ours. I know that it won't matter someday and that Jesus will give us new bodies, but for now everything in me protests the thought of death. It wasn't meant to be this way. We were never meant to be seperated from our loved ones.

Thank you for those words of wisdom, New Neighbor.

Sorry you are feeling low, Asa...I'm sure this post didn't help any. I'm sorry.

Boo
September 19, 2009 - Msg 75244: Oh, hello Ky Girl. Good to see you.:-)

Boo
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75245: Oh, my goodness, Boo. What a sweet, poignant commentary on your trials with your parents. It seems we all get to walk that road, in one way or another, doesn't it? There are exceptions - my kids won't have to worry about taking care of their dad, but they had to deal with losing him so young, and had to deal with me in my grief, even as they groped their way through their own.

Yes, it's hard to see the way time ravages those we love, and you're right, it's like looking into a mirror into the future, knowing we'll get there too. Still, as you said, we don't have to drag these heavy old broken clay shells along with us, because we'll be given new bodies, and isn't that wonderful? Eloise and I were talking about that on Thursday, after we left the cemetery. We'll see Logan again, but he won't be a tiny newborn, with an imperfectly-formed body. We were wondering just who he will be, and what he will look like, and marveling at the idea that whoever he is, we'll know him. The scripture says that "we will know, even as also we are known." I believe that like much of the scripture, there are two meanings. The spiritual meaning - there will be no secrets, nothing hidden, we will know and understand each other's thoughts and emotions. Then I think the literal meaning is that we will physically recognize each other, no matter what our physical form may be in that place. I could be wrong - who knows the truth, besides God? Still, it makes sense to me.

As for your brothers contributing financially - absolutely! You go, girl! It's good that they're willing, it makes it easier, but willing or not, it's what they should do. Don't you dare hesitate to include them in expenses, and remember, if they can't contribute time and effort, then they should carry a larger portion of the financial burden. That's only fair, and I'm sure they'll see it that way.

Well, I'm off to the ironing board. Toye Starr has been hammering on my ankle with her little nickel-sized paws, which I take to mean that she's ready for bed. She's a great one for sleeping, that puppy. Be blessed, friends. --Romeena
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75246: Mornin' y'all. Well, I have had it! I woke up,phoned my mom to check on her,she made it ok thru the night,but begins to tell me that my sister is coming over in order to change the bandages on her toe that she injured in a fall. the girl just had surgery is to stay in bed for 3-5 days! Mama told me that my sister "wanted" to come do it. I told her if she would wait,i'd come over or my daughter is visiting later today,she's a nurse,she can do it. It is no emergency. I called my sister to tell her not to go over,& she tells me that Mama called her,woke her up & asked her to come! I told my sister to stay in bed,that if she lets Mama manipulate her,I am going to just give up and not help at all! I called Mama again & pretty much chewed her out for lying to me & not telling me that she ASKED my sister to come. Her explanation? " I didn't know I woke her up.Well,she came over yesterday & did it,so I thought she could come again."
I reminded her that she only came over (with help from her husband) because it was an emergency & Mama had fallen.She is to stay in bed! Reminded Mama that she is a nurse & knows that! Told her I wasn't gonna be caught up in all of this-if my sister ended up in hospital due to catering to her demands,that was just going to be more family for me to worry about,etc.
Of course,she got mad,told me to not come over,etc. I will go over,but when I am ready.She is going to stop manipulating to have people at her beck & call. Now,she may tell me to go & not come back.Whatever. We have had our moments before-y'all will remember when she turned against me several years back & wouldn't see me or talk to me.
I just refuse to be driven to madness by this.She needs to leave my sister alone & let her heal properly. She will be taken care of,or will learn to get up do some things for herself. No need to stress us out like this.
I am going to attempt to go over & check on her.i may get my walking papers though.Whatever.I will let y'all know.
It's a heck of a feeling to wake up to this kind of aggravation-my nerves are shot & I haven't been up 30 minutes!
I will keep you guys posted.Love to all.
**********
possum
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75247: Thank you for what you shared, Ro..it was beautiful and I agree...I believe we will know our loved ones in the next life.

Hang in there, Possum. Sounds like your sister needs to get the spine to tell mama "no" now and then. You both need to work together on this or mama will continue using manipulation to get what she wants. It is a pretty common theme with elderly folks. I guess they feel pretty helpless and try to gain some control through manipulation, and as NN said, they are like naughty children sometimes, aren;t they. Remember, that just as you corrected your children, do it in love but be firm...no personal insults or yelling (not that you would), but be consistent, consistent, consistent...that's what concerns me, it sounds like your sister might not be willing to do that.

Well, better get ready for preaching. Take care.

Boo
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75248: Thank you Boo.No,I didn't yell or toss insults-that ain't me. I just put it to them honestly and straightforward. I think they got it.I just got back from checking on Mama,she was fine with me.My sister remained home in bed,as her leg is really hurting her today. I guess so.
Anyhow,my Mama claims she didn't know that my sister was to stay off of her foot for 3-5 days. I didn't say a thing. My mama is a retired nurse,she HAS to know the dos & don't following surgery! Bottom line-she wants my sister to continue to cater to her,she doesn't want to accept the fact that she is out of commission for a while,and I am taking over,and I do NOT baby her & I do expect her to do some things for herself.
They are both stubborn but at this point,they need my help-my sister needs me to get her daughter from school & things of that nature,& my mama needs me to check in on her.I think things will be okay now.
Thank you too,New Neighbor. I appreciate y'all bearing with me & letting me vent my frustration.I feel better now.
************
possum again
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75249: Just went back & caught up on the posts I'd overlooked while busy venting my troubles- Asa,I'm sorry you're feeling low. I think we all feel that way every now & then. Hang in there,friend-it will pass.
Thank you Ro and Boo for sharing those stories. Yes,it is hard to see our loved ones age.
Oh,and ky girl- your tale of Bossy sounds like one of Aesop's fables! Good lesson for us all.
See y'all later. I missed preaching today-I guess Boo is wearing the dangly earrings this Sunday!
*******************
possum under a rock
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75250: Good Sunday morning Porch! Rainy here on my end of the porch again today, but that's ok, it's a peaceful, thank the Good Lord for all his beauty, kind of rain so even though it makes my bones hurt, I don't mind. Mr Neff is busy doing things like putting ceiling fans up and hopefully getting the top on the dog pen today, not sure what I'll get into there are so many things to be done here. Baked 2 loaves of Amish Friendship Bread last night, butterscotch flavor, talk about good eatin! I have 4 new starters to give away, but I'm going to keep one for myself and make more in about 10 days, I'm thinking Pistashio or White Chocolate. Don't know if any of you have ever gone through the process of Friendship Bread, but it sure is fun. possum I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, sure makes it hard on you that's for sure, chin up friend, it won't last too long lets hope. Reading of your plight and those of Boo and Ro does make me thankful that I didn't have to watch my mother go through that and watch her age, but then on the other hand, I didn't like the pain she suffered either, so goes both ways I guess. Wonder if ol' Spot & Miss Sherri are eatin good? Bet they are. Well, best get off here for a bit and see if I can rustle something up here to eat and watch some TAGS, looks like they have the B & W eps on today. Talk to ya'll in a bit.
*Mavis
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75251: How-do, friends. Possum, I think you're on the right track, and I think boo is right - your sister may be part of the problem. She's going to have to get on board with the plan, or your mama will drive you both nutty. If she gets the idea that she can play one of you against the other, look out. Maybe you can make a little schedule, and write it out for her. On Monday, if she needs something she calls you. On Tuesday, she calls your sister, etc.

ky girl, that story about Bossy is funny/sad! I'll bet you were just horrified to see that little bird swallowed up that way. Did you put some screening over the barrel after that?

Well, gotta run. TAGS marathon is on, and it's B&W eps, yay! Be blessed, all. --Romeena


September 20, 2009 - Msg 75252: You know what's funny..my sister and I are a united front when it comes to my parents (especially my dad) but it's my bro-in-law (susan's hubby) that spoils him. He can't seem to say no to dad (or mom).

Mavis, having experienced both watching my parents age and losing a loved one prematurely, losing one early is much more painful...that is my experience anyway. Sure there are difficulties when it comes to aging parents, but with every irritation, there is also a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks that they are still here. It's worth it and I wish you had been given the opportunity to see your mom live to a ripe old age. I also know that serving our parents in their old age is a real character builder!;-) teehee. I think it is also easier because it gives us time to prepare and accept what comes. When someone is taken early, the shock is just devastating. I remember well how you suffered in those days and am very thankful that you have come so far and that you are able to enjoy life again (and with a leather-wearing hunk on a bike). ((BIG GRIN))

Boo
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75253: oh...almost forgot...Love ya, Mave.

Boo
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75254:
We're back from vacation all safe and sound!
Have much to do, will be back later.
Thanks for the prayers.
MDC
September 20, 2009 - Msg 75255: Welcome home, MDC..can't wait to hear about the trip.

Boo
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75256: Welcome back, MDC. We've missed you!

I may have mentioned this before - can't remember - but I noticed something tonight during the "Bringing Up Opie" ep, the one where Aunt Bee decides Opie shouldn't hang around the jail anymore. In the scene in Opie's bedroom, where Andy is telling him that he must not come by the jail after school, I think the film was reversed on the closeups of Andy. On the ones shot from farther back, where Opie is in the scene also, things are normal, but in the closeups, Andy's hair is parted on the right instead of on the left, and I'm pretty sure it's his left ear that appears to be his right one. There's a very slight irregularity in the shape, and I think I'm right. Also, Andy has some lines in his forehead, and the configuration looked to me like it was reversed. I kept rewinding, trying to see if it ever shows how his shirt is buttoned - right over left or left over right, which would have proven the point, but the camera stays too high. It's pretty obvious that the closeups and the more distant shots were made at different times, because the lighting changes drastically. The only confusing thing, if the film was backward, is that Andy is looking to his left, which would have been correct in the scene. If the film was flipped, he would have been looking to his right, which wouldn't have been correct. I'm confused. What do you all think? Could it be that his hair was really parted on the right on those closeups, which were obviously cut in later?

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm deliberately staying up late, will sleep very late, because I have to work tomorrow night. Be blessed, all. --Romeena
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75257: I don't recall that scene, Ro. I will have watch it again.

Well mom should get her pacemaker this morning so i will probably be out for the rest of the day. Will check in this evening and report how things went. Have a blessed day.

Boo
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75258: Morning porch, prayers for Boo and family today.
Monday mornng and back to work. Week ends go by way too fast, stayed busy off and on this week end. Rained much of the week end and it was raining as I came to work today. 95% of rain all day today.

Lunch menu will be: home made chicken noodle soup, grilled cheese sandwhiches, pickles, potato chips. mountain dew cake, tea, leomoade to drink. see you at lunch.

Prayers and blessings to all.

Big Maude

September 21, 2009 - Msg 75259:
Morning. Rude awakening back at work today! grrr (ha?)
RO - I think you've got WAY too much time on your
hands! haha Cut down on the caffeine and Andy
will look just fine! teehee
OK, I'm back in porch form! (:
Vacation in No. AZ was superb! 75 degrees in the woods north of Sedona. Cabin we rented was really
"cute" and cozy. We hiked, we fished, relaxed etc. etc. There is absolutely nothing in the world
like the fresh scent of a forest after a thunderstorm! Like Andy and Barn on Quiet Sam's porch, sans the cigarette. So refreshing.
Well, I dont have time to read the archives,
so I'll just jump back in with my 5 string guitar...
Prayers,
MDC

September 21, 2009 - Msg 75260: Hey Y'all- Tried to post earlier today,but it wouldn't let me. Gonna try again,because I want to share memories of 20 years ago. Twenty years ago tonight,Hurricane Hugo slammed into SC as a Cat 4 storm. I am 45 miles inland and it tore us up. We'll never forget it.Here are a few reasons why:
Watching the news that afternoon and seeing the local weatherman,that I grew up watching,giving the forecast with tears in his eyes ( he KNEW)...
Watching Dan Rather later that night (I think it was "48 Hours") highlighting the approaching storm,our power going off, and me telling my daughter,"Well,we don't have to watch it. We're IN it." We had no power for 10 days...
My husband going outside as the storm approached and describing how dozens upon dozens of birds were lined up on the ground up close to our house- I wish I'd have seen them...
The sound of the wind- imagine a lion's mighty roar,nonstop,for hours on end...
Having our locked & bolted front door open a bit several times during the night,due to the force of the wind...
Having 7 large pecan trees come down,leaving only the one right next to our house, seeing it still standing the next morning and saying to God "Thank You."...
Naively venturing outside as the eye of the storm passed,not knowing at the time that we were knee deep in snake infested water with jagged pieces of tin from torn off roofs,etc.& meeting up with family & neighbors( it must have been instinct because EVERYONE came out) long enough to find out if they were ok,then running back home as the 2nd part of the storm blew in...
My husband dragging my daughter through the waters in the street trying to get inside before the back end of Hugo came,which was the worst part,and her losing a flip-flop,me yelling to forget about it,to hurry! Oh,my uncle found the flip flop days later in his yard while cleaning up..
My friend going into labor that night & the men of her family & neighborhood cutting fallen trees with chainsaws in order to be able to get her to a hospital.She made it and had her "Hugo baby"-a girl, safely!
The insur@nce guy coming to inspect the house after Hugo & telling us that the tiny pinpoint crack that ran around the top of the wall next to the ceiling was from the roof nearly lifting off!...
Getting a few hours sleep on the floor (tried to stay away from that pecan tree)and awakening to the sound of men talking through bullhorns and the sound of chainsaws...
I have so many other things that stand out from that time,but most of all..
being so thankful to have survived that monster storm. It was like being in a war zone,y'all. I know I will never forget it.
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possum under a rock
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75261: Oh possum thank God you survived it.Prayers for all on the Porch.I have a prayer request .A lady who's in my class just had a baby about 3 weeks ago.Tonight she told us he was rushed to the hospital because he was completely paralyzed and he was turning purple.This was last Thursday.He is in critical care,he has a blood infection,and he was born with a hole in his heart,but that little heart is severly enlarged now.They are just taking it day by day,they aren't sure if he will make it.Please pray for him.And,to top it all off we got that wonderful{sarcastically}summit of Prez Obamas'.All the roads are closed into Pittsburgh,which is where the major hospitals are,about 30 minutes from here,and,they couldn't even get the baby to childrens hospital,they had to take him to another one!A friend of mine works at a coal mine near here,and they had all kinds of lockdowns today and extra security,because they were told some protesters were coming about noon.Even the pharmamceutical companies have extra security because there have been protestors there!This is completely insane.I kind of feel like in a foreign country with all of this going on.Sorry for such a long post,just needed to tell you all that and let you know what was happening on my end of the porch-ky girl
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75262: Thank you for sharing and allowing us to pray for that sweet little baby. How scary for the family.

Interesting memories, Possum. Having been through a terrible hurricane, I know what it's like. Maybe tomorrow I will share some of that. As terrible as the hurricane was, I remember that the aftermath was even worse...2 weeks of no water or electricity, terrible heat and humidity, giant sized mosquitoes....misery!

Well, Mom did NOT get her pacemaker today. All was going well and they got her into the OR and her blood pressure started to skyrocket. She has been off her PB meds for a couple of weeks because her doc discontinued them due to her low heartrate an BP was low. Well, not it's UP! Poor mom got the lab drawn and even had the IV in (and she is a hard person to start an IV on). We are supposed to see the cardiologist again on Friday and they will reschedule her if her BP is ok. They gave her a catapress patch and a new med for PB that won't lower her heart rate. Hopefully next week we can finally get this thing done! Frustrating because it's not at all easy to get mom around in the wheelchair and lift her in and out, etc. Oh well, God is in charge and we are praying so we just have to trust Him in this.

Think I will get a shower and go to bed. It's only 8 but I am wiped out!

Boo
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75263: "BP" med that is!

Boo
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75264: Prayers for the little baby,ky girl.I hope he gets the care he needs-God Bless him.
Boo,yes,the giant mosquitoes! We had them after Hugo too. Unreal.

Ok,y'all,here's the latest chapter of "As the Mama Falls"- She is FAKING it. She "fell" a few hours ago,and without going into all the details, I put two & two together-she is doing it on purpose. She is going crazy without my sister waiting on her hand & foot.She is still trying to get my sister to come over!The girl just had surgery & is to stay in bed for 3-5 days,not put any weight on the leg for 3 weeks.Yet,Mama is trying to get her to come over.She told my "surgery sister" & my "Wyoming sister" that she wasn't eating because she didn't have anyone to fix her food. I go over there SEVERAL times a day! Bottom line though- She can get it herself!!
Surgery sister realizes she has "created a monster." Oh,and she is NOT going over there & risking her health.We're trying to figure out how to stop this craziness,though.
We have not let Mama know that we are on to her.
I told her that we were discussing getting live in help for her-she bristled at me and said "I'm NOT having that!" I replied," Do you want to go in a home? You keep falling,we can't deal with it all the time,etc."
Her reply? "I'm going to quit falling." Then she caught herself & quickly added,"as soon as this leg gets better." Uh,huh.Just like she "promised" me the other night that she wouldn't fall-and she didn't.
Oh,and I let myself back in to her house to check on her one more time before I came home and what was she doing? Sitting on the side of her bed,bandaging her toe like the nurse that she is!
But,she's been desperate for my sister to leave her bed to come bandage it.Yesterday,she was trying to get her to come over to do it,even though my daughter was coming to see her later & would do it. What did Mama say to that? She asked me where my daughter learned to dress a wound. HELLO! My daughter is a nurse!! She actually wanted my sister to do it instead of a nurse! Now tonight she's sitting there doctoring herself like Marcus Welby & Trapper John put together!
So.. she is playing games.We are in serious need of some bud nipping here. What else can we do? I'm thinking intervention.Only my sister would have to phone it in,because she's NOT getting out of bed going over there. But perhaps me,my sister's husband,and my daughter can approach her. Any advice? Keep in mind that we KNOW she is faking all of this.She doesn't know that we are on to her.
Thanks for letting me vent.
************
possum again
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75265: Prayers for you Boo & bless you for caring for your mom like you do. I really understand the frustration of your day. Hang in there!
Love,
possum
September 21, 2009 - Msg 75266: My stars, Possum! The hurricane sounds just horrible, and the aftermath sounds just as bad, if not worse. And now you've got another storm to deal with, in the form of your mom's shenanigans. This is a perfect example of the role reversal that often takes place as parents age, just as New Neighbor said. It's going to require setting some limits, and some tough love. I recall toward the end of my dad's life, there were a few occasions when he would get so frustrated that he would get agitated and basically just have a little tantrum. What worked best then was for me to say, "Daddy, I'm afraid I'm upsetting you, so I'm going to go away for a little while so you can settle down. I'll come back when you're better." And I'd leave, go out in the hall for five minutes or so, then go back in. He would be so contrite it would just break my heart, but the mood would be much better. I know the situation isn't the same, but you get the idea. For your mom, you could just say "I'm shocked that you - a nurse - would actually insist that (sister) get out of her bed against doctor's orders and risk ruining the surgery she had done, just to change the bandage on your toe, which you're capable of doing yourself. Maybe you DO need to be where you can receive professional care." In other words, subtly threaten her with "THE HOME", and make it sound as though it has been a topic of discussion. Sounds mean, but you're going to have to assume and maintain control, or she's going to play you all like violins.

Boo, what a shame that your mom didn't get her pacer today. That's really a disappointment - it sounds like she needs it badly. I hope they can get things under control and get it done ASAP, as you'll likely see a tremendous improvement in her condition once it's functioning.

I had a little episode with my heart last week that made that very point. I started feeling weak and a little "out of it", so checked my blood sugar. It was okay. Tried to check my pulse, and it was so weak and thready I could barely find it. I got my stethoscope, sat down and just listened to my heart. It was beating at a precise, measured 70 beats a minute. My normal compensated rate is in the 90s. So - that was my pacer, keeping me going at 70. I was in atrial fib at the same time, so the 70 beats weren't terribly effective, but at least the blood that did manage to fall into the ventricles was being pushed around. My guess is that I wasn't pacing myself at all, it was all coming from the pacer. In other words, without it, I quite possibly would have died. I sat there for about three minutes, listening to that steady 70, and then it slowly began to speed up and in about half a minute it was back in the 90s, and I felt fine. The atrial fib had converted, my natural pacer was working, and all was back to normal. That little half-dollar-sized machine keeps me alive.

Well, be blessed, all. --Romeena